A Community of Love—Not Fear

Community is risky business – for you! There is always the possibility that your ideas may not be accepted. Even worse, in a religious community, if your beliefs are different you might even be shunned or ostracized. If that happens and you feel you can’t leave that particular community, then you have to become someone you aren’t—you have to become estranged from your self. So becoming a part of a community takes courage and effort, even when that community is a church that is supposed to be open and loving and kind.

Sara Robinson writes a blog on a site called Orcinus (located at http://dneiwert.blogspot.com/). She is a “recovering fundamentalist” and writes about her experiences and those of others. In a posting titled, “Cracks in the Wall, Part II: Listening to the Leavers,” she passes on the excruciating pain evidenced in comments she has received from people who have been traumatized by dysfunctional communities.

Robinson writes, “Two or three times a week, we find new members on our doorstep. Safe in the anonymity of the Internet (and often under cover of night—these missives are typically time-stamped in the wee hours of the morning, usually posted furtively after weeks or months of lurking), we’re often the first people they’ve ever whispered their doubts out loud to. Their introductions are often heartbreakingly miserable: ‘I can’t believe this any more—but my husband will leave me if he knows.’ ‘My whole family is fundie. I can’t tell my parents I’ve stopped going to church—it will kill them if they ever find out.’ ‘I’m a deacon at my church. If I start asking these questions, I’ll lose my whole community.’”

I understand Christian community to be built upon respect. When respect is the corner stone, each person’s unique approach to God is accepted as genuine. Each person’s doubts and struggles with faith are received with compassion and understanding. When Christian community works, each member realizes that no one person has the absolute answer to fundamentally unanswerable questions. Rather, each one of us is on a journey that is filled with triumph, tragedy, joy, and sadness. Having a community of faith where we can share our experiences, feelings, and beliefs without fear of repercussions enhances the beauty and mystery of our life’s journey.

Christian communities are sometimes twisted into dysfunctionality by insecurity or lust for power. When that happens, a rigid structure forms, and respect for each other is replaced by a demand for respect for the organizational structure itself. This perversion stunts spiritual growth and inhibits the natural evolution of human beings towards wholeness in God’s love. Of course, this wreaks havoc on individuals and families alike, as evidenced by the comments above.

This is the tenth fall article for I have written for The Bell. Over these past ten years, there has been one constant in the community at St. Mary’s: New members have expressed to me how impressed they are by the level of caring and concern members of this community of faith have for one another.

Such love for one another cannot be unless the primary building block of trust is in place. Once trust is in place, intimacy follows. That intimacy is expressed through sharing leadership skills, teaching, taking part in different ministries, and, yes, taking risks by feeling comfortable enough to share what you feel and think.

Trust, intimacy, and respect are the cornerstones of our shared experiences and longings in this sacred place. Does any other community, outside of family perhaps, come to mind that offers this kind of respite from a world that seems so polarized and rigid?

Sara Robinson notes, “These people know that the tiny flicker of enlightenment kindling in their minds is about to set their entire lives ablaze.” It is a blessing to be in a community of faith where the fire of enlightenment is not an occasion of fear but an opportunity to share with others. Such are the foundations of trust, intimacy, and respect. Such is the joy and the blessing of being a part of St. Mary’s community.

Joel t